Hiding In The Dark

I think this may well just kill me.
It's not supposed to be this way,
it's not supposed to feel this way.
I can't be that man, he cannot be a part of me.

This life I've been given
is not mine to throw away,
this life i've been given
does not allow me to choose.

I live with my decision
and swallow the pain with every stride.
My heart has become my prison
and nothing shall penetrate these walls.

In this hollow chasm,
left to contemplate my actions
and face the future
no matter what it holds.

'They' have orchestrated this coup d'etat
and weakened as I am
I cannot face my demons,
I cannot hold back these feelings
and I cannot set free my desires.

Rigid are my ideals,
I cannot be who they want me to be,
and I cannot be that man,
not without it consuming me whole.

As this blackened cloud encroaches on the horizon,
swallowing sky and sun
extinguishing all light to guide me
on this difficult path.

How long before this consumes me,
how long before I lose my way or has this already happened?
With each day i grow weary
and salvation continues to evade me.

Where the light that warmed me
has faded to a memory,
will this journey make me worthy
or shall this darkness continue?

Do i turn and make my peace
in this forsaken place
or is there really a place in the world
for a wretched soul, like me.